Jesus saved my soul but roller derby was a close second.

I live with fibromyalgia.  It's awesome!  For those of you who still believe this is a made-up condition that doesn't really exist, I totally agree...until I wake up.
A lot of people ask me what it feels like (including doctors) and I have found myself trying to come up with an explanation.  Here's what I've got so far:

I am a retired roller girl

 

Retired so that I have more time for Art, my lover (see previous post).

Roller derby is a sport that digs itself into your soul...
...and it hurts.
A LOT.
(Just like Fibromyalgia)
  
Basically, the goal is to kill each other:

       

You can see here that Gwen wants to kill me...

...and I want to kill her.

Now, imagine how that feels the next morning.  Like someone took a bat and beat you with it. I don't mean the cute beady-eyed kind from the cave but the pine-tar kind that can knock the skin right off a baseball.  Ya see?  Fibromyalgia hurts   just like roller derby hurts.  Derby just gave me a reason for waking up every morning in pain, almost like I earned it or deserved it.  It didn't make me hurt less, it just made it easier for my brain to understand.


Last night I went to my first bout since retiring.  It was great!  It was great to see my derby sisters out there killing each other and it was great to sit behind the bench not on it.  I didn't miss it.  I was so glad.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the sport but last night I realized that chapter in my life is closed.

So, for all those girls who woke up this morning 

feeling like they'd been hit by a Mac truck 

all I can say is:

Thank you Hurricane Alley Roller Derby

All you can really ask for is a friend who calls you stupid

I have friends.  I don't like most of them but I've got some.  I mean, you gotta have them, right?  It's a rule or something?

See how miserable I am when I'm with them?

(this is me with Flint and Mari and Pearl.  I like them)

 Ok, so I like some of them.  I do have a very small "friend" circle though. Very small.  And while you're thinking right now of your friends and what they mean to you, you can be sure that it's not at all what a friend means to me.  

See?  I don't do high maintenance.  I can't handle it (can't means won't in almost every single situation in life unless you're trying to fly).  In the past I've had friends who need to talk to me every single day and hang out with me at LEAST once a week and blah, blah, blah. Ugh!  NO!  Yuck!  I have Gordito for that.  I like him WAY better than anyone else so if I have free time I want to spend it with him.  I've REALLY tried to weed those needy people out of my life simply because they need more from me than I'm willing to give.  It's only fair to them and to me (mostly me) to let them fly away to find other freaks with a weird sense of need for female companionship...some of them are still hanging on but for the most part I'm in a good "friend" place.

If you're wondering right now if you're one of the freaks hanging on...you are.

 

I struggle a little with introvertism. Oh...according to Spell Checker that's not a word. 

OK.

So, I have a condition known as reclusivitis.  Well, again, Spell Checker disagrees but it's only because Spell Checker has never experienced what I experience on a daily basis. I do LIKE to go out and do stuff occasionally (not really) but I mostly just like the IDEA of it. So to give you an example of what goes on in my head here's what happened today:

 I saw this on Facebook

And my I-like-having-friends part of my brain said, "Oh, that might be fun.  I like some of those girls and I DO need to get out of the house.  I'll text it to Gwen and see what she thinks."

So I texted Gwen.

A million times in 15 seconds:

By the time Gwen got to her phone from the 56 or 70 texts in a row of the crazy conversation going on in my head I'd already talked myself out of it.  Fortunately for me, Gwen knows me and she basically said, "You're stupid.  We're going." and that's why she's in the circle.  

Of course, we may not go.  It depends on if the stars line up or Jesus comes back before then or her kid pukes on her shoes or whatever but I know she understands me and that's all I can really ask for.

If Art were a man Gordito would have to live in the garage.

Now lets get to the good stuff!
ART
I love art.
I am addicted to art.
I am obsessed with art.
I can NOT get enough art.

I'm late for work every single day because I'm on Instagram looking at art.  I never get dinner done in a timely manner because I'm blog-hopping on the computer from one artist to the next.  I never get my laundry caught up because I'm upstairs in my studio making art.
It's a problem.  I realize it's a problem but please DO NOT schedule an intervention because I LIKE it.  A LOT.  Too much?  Yes, but I don't care. There's no baby awaiting a diaper change anymore and who cares if Gordito has to match up his own socks because I didn't get to it?

 IT'S BECAUSE I WAS DOING THIS:

 AND THIS

 AND THIS

A few of you will understand and some of you will think it's ridiculous...because it is.
 A ridiculous life to live and I'm right in the middle of it smiling from ear to ear!

Who the heck is Candy?

A little about little ole me...

I'm a mom.  A GREAT one I might add.  How do I KNOW I'm a great mom?  I have 2 perfect kids that's how!

Brock my son is 24.  He is the cutest thing EVER!  He's a Senior Airman in the US Air Force [insert proud mom face here].  He is married to a beautiful girl named Lauren and they promise not to give me grandkids for a while.  They live in Abilene, TX where he is stationed.

Beighly is my High School Senior.  She is amazing.  She has had countless obstacles in her 18 years and each of them has grown and shaped her into something I can not yet put into words.  She lives with purpose.  She works hard, stands up for what she believes in, and has the most wonderful sense of humor.  The amount of self-confidence she possesses is uncanny for a girl of her age.  God has great things for her and I'm so glad to be along for the ride.

John (my Gordito) is my best friend.  This blog is not long enough and I don't have the time to list all of his amazing qualities or the perfect life that we share every day.  Just trust me when I say, "Life is good."