Monday, April 29, 2013

The Tooth Fairy? How about the Menstral Fairy

I was just sitting here thinking about all those fairy tales full of rainbows and glitter. You know?  Like the Easter Bunny who brings you a whole basket full of chocolate only to have your parents dole it out sparingly as they see fit.  Leave it to my mom to take all the joy out of a good ole traditional egg hunt to celebrate the risen Christ (insert confused raised eyebrow here) with rules about not eating Snickers for breakfast.

Or  how about the wonderful jolly fat man who brings presents every year under the illusion that you must behave.



[Give me a break! I KNEW I didn't have to worry about being good because Santa ALWAYS visited my cousin Craig and if he could get something out of the stingy, judgmental old fart I knew I was golden!]

In remembering my favorite myths and fables let's not neglect the tooth fairy.
Who in God's name came up with this whole concept?  Money exchanged for body parts?  Oh geeeeez!  Do we wonder where this whole "cash for kidney" black market thing originated?  And let's talk about the guy living down at the bus station.  If he got money for every tooth he'd lost I'm sure he'd have at least enough for a nice appliance box and a tarp by now.

What makes much more sense to me is a Menstrual Fairy.  Ask any woman (and especially any teenage girl) and she'll tell you that waking up to a ten dollar bill or maybe a little present once a month would do wonders in keeping us all from wanting to kill Eve.
Those dreaded cramps and back ache could be nicely pacified with a bottle of wine from the Menstrual Fairy.  Bloating could almost be alleviated with a wonderful box of Godiva chocolate.
Irritability would most likely disappear with a hot stone massage from the local spa.
So many wrongs could be righted.
Countless "unfairs" would be a little less so.
Who do I need to contact?  Is there a council for new and improved folklore?  An annual meeting or something?  An address in which to send our suggestions because I have a few.  I mean we could totally replace that Sandman dude.  No one even neeeeeds him anymore with Lunesta on the market!
Who's with me on this?
Let's hear it for the Menstrual Fairy!

Well, until I get my day in court until I appear before the Great Council for Determining Childhood Falsehoods  we must suffer these transgressions silently hoping for justice...and by we I mean you because I've had a hysterectomy.

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